2/27/2018 0 Comments Breaking Down my wallI had always been told things would get better stay strong, But as the rain was falling my heart was flooding but it was flooding in Antartica, Frozen and shocked, The icebergs hitting me as the bad news was thrown at me like a thrawd of ice, As I sank deeper into the cold water everyone continued to tell me that everything would be ok, That I would be ok, that my family would be ok, But it was not ok that my anchor had been taken from me, The only person who I would melt around and show the pain deeply hidden behind the snow banks in my heart, had been crushed by the blizzard, The cancerous snowballs filling up his body, As his body filled with cancer my heart built a wall, Smiling as though everyone in your family fighting snowballs at the same time was normal, Everyone said they understood how hard it was but did they realize how it really felt, Everyone I had ever turned to was now the cause of pain but it wasn’t even their fault, As I stood day after day faking a smile as the storm threw me around, The wall went up higher thinking if I pretended that I’m fine maybe it would be true, But it wasn’t , As all sun light seemed to fade and I appeared to be the strongest one in my family, Someone told me that it was ok not to be , The walls came down, And I could breath above water once again. Notes from the AuthorMy poem "Breaking Down My Wall" Stemmed from the prompt that said to talk about one moment or object. I chose to talk about when my camp counselor told me it was OK not to be OK after my grandpa died from cancer and my grandma and mom both had cancer in that same year. I chose to write about this moment because it was an eye opening experience for me because up to that point in my life I was told to be strong all the time. However, this moment taught me that is OK to break down sometimes and I feel this is an important message for young people to hear because there's so much stigma around being strong all the time. My revisonsThe main revisions I made on this poem was the structure of the poem. Before I made revisions most of the lines were super long and did not vary in length in any way. When revising I chose to split up some of the lines to add emphasis on my main points. For example when I first wrote the poem the last two lines were combined but when I revised my poem I split them up. My favorite revision is where I say "As I sink deeper into the cold water everyone continued to tell me that everything would be OK,That I would be OK, that my family would be OK,". I really like the way I split the three lines of OK into two lines because I feel like this revision helped show my anger I was facing and adds rhythm to the poem. Overall I'm really happy with the way my poem turned out.
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March 2018
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